Sunday!

Happy Mother’s Day! Hurray for all the mommys out there =]

This weekend has been the most…unproductive weekend EVER. & I like it, not having to worry about anything ^^

So what’s new with me? I have been turning (back) to anime for entertainment and oh noes, I am reverting back into an otaku. Mazui nee?! =l
What have I been obessing over recently?
Code Geass!! kyah, Lelouch, marry me. LOL but sometimes he pisses me off because he’s so protective of Nunally. I think C.C. is my favorite character of the bunch :] I need to just put this series on hold because the wait for episodes is killing me! wah~

& other anime I’ve been watching is:

-Itazura na kiss

• I liked the manga so I wanted to watch the anime. hehe it’s cute and funny

-Blood+

• I just started the series. hmm it’s okay but I’m not like WHOAOMGINEEDTOSEEITALLINONEDAY

-Toshokan Sensou

• for some odd reason, I’m excited to see what’s next. interesting plot and I like the characters. except the main girl needs to stop crying in every episode.

-Nabari no ou

• I like this anime but sometimes Rokujou annoys me. He needs to use his powers and stop being so useless! Also, the kawaii him kind of turns me off from the anime. But I’m still willing to see what’s next!

ugh my internet has become quite laggy and it’s very annoying. Anyways, I’ve been downloading moojik and anime. My utorrent crashed so many times! This hasn’t happened before so I’m freaking out. Maybe I’m abusing my compie too much =[

So enough about anime and the like, school! School has been whatever. AP testing’s this month so everyone’s going berserk. I should be too but I only have AP Language left and there’s not much for me to study. I am getting impatient. I wish that I could hurry up and leave.

I wonder what I’ll do in Vietnam. I’m not even that excited about going. I hate the hot, humid weather; the dirty, loud, bustling city; the sights of a supposed home. I am just running away. I don’t want to stay here anymore. I think if I can stand it in Vietnam I might not return home. I might just stay there until high school ends or maybe I’ll end up going to college there. Saa, shiranai. but right now, I don’t want to be here.

I’m use to having a lot of people gone in my life. I struggle to keep the few friends I have. But sometimes my efforts aren’t good enough. I end up losing the ones I really care about. No, it’s not exactly losing them, but rather we slip away. It happened to Linda and Michelle. My closest friends, my dear friends. It was a weird bond we had, a weird friendship. But it worked- until I guess I messed it up. Or maybe Linda did. I’m not sure. Either way, we stopped talking. I often wonder how their lives turned out. Are you guys happy?

And right now. Junior year. Soo Min and Connie. watashi no daiji na tomodachi. I feel like we’re slipping away. No, not I feel, but it’s fact. It’s true. Perhaps this is what happens to all friends. It seems like I am not meant to be friends with anyone for more than a couple of years. I’m stubborn, on my part, so that seems like it’s a possible reason. But I feel like I’m not abandoning them. It feels like the other way around. But no, I won’t speak up. I don’t really feel like I should say anything. After all, if this is the way things are suppose to turn out then let them. I don’t want to be the one to save my friendships. I’ve always been doing that, saving friendships. How about letting someone else do it? And if no one does, then let it all falter. I don’t give a shit anymore.

When I was talking to Anh Tien about life and friends, we’re kind of on the same page. Good friends are hard to come by and ultimately the only people we can rely on is our family. That night, the last night I spent with him was probably one of the most liberating nights I ever had. I use to hate him, my brother. We were never close and for some odd reason, we’re able to connect in a way that I haven’t been able to with anyone else. It’s weird how blood ties people together. I hope he’s going to be okay. Maybe loneliness and frustration drove him to join the navy. I’m not sure if he’s regretting it but I don’t want to end up like that. I want to choose a path in which I feel is right, not what I feel like is a last resort. I know it’s mean to say that about him but I don’t want to be cornered by the world. Hell no, I won’t let anything get to me.

So maybe leaving to Vietnam is running away. I’d rather run away then try to save the little pieces of myself that are still here.

I’ll put together the mosaic pieces one by one
And make up the picture of the encounter and parting that you gave me

“That wasn’t supposed to happen”, I think as I go to sleep
When I wake up, it never changes, still fruitless as ever
The same meaningless repetition

I gathered up the mosaic pieces “As a way to live well”
That distorted thing looked beautiful
On the road I chose as I stumbled, pretending to be strong
The pieces that have come off won’t fill the gaps

In this world, covered in everyone’s respective nature
I thought I’d have something I couldn’t give anyone else
But the colours are bothering me

As the mosaic pieces showed me their respective colours and shapes
I kept on wishing to be let off for my youth
As soon as I believe in the cement of love in my heart, it flows away
Leaving pieces that will never melt

The contours can be reversed, the contrast is pretty
I won’t wait my turn, I’ll find my own answer

The mosaic pieces show vividly the lies and mistakes of the past
The more I want to get rid of them
When I look back I see the starting line there, I still haven’t moved
I’ll try to gather up my dreams again
I’ll put together the mosaic pieces one by one
And make up the picture of the encounter and parting that you gave me