Anticipation

I can’t wait for life to start.
I keep thinking that life is going to start right after high school.
But the truth is, it has. I’m already 18 and have wasted a quarter of my life trying to convince myself that things are going to get better and nothing matters until now. How does that work anyways?

Things won’t change. I don’t think I will change.
How will college be any different?

Senior retreat is tomorrow.
ugh.
I don’t know if I’ll have fun or just waste $130.
But…we will see!

I like the idea of making amends and being friends with everyone but when I actually get to talking to everyone, its like..what the fuck I don’t really care what you have to say. I don’t care. I’m apathetic. I’m indifferent.
Nothing matters to me. So that’s why I can’t talk to anyone at school anymore. Its because I don’t need them. And they don’t need me.

Whatever. I don’t know what’s going to happen.